Co-dependence is a condition of lost selfhood. It is defined as any suffering that is associated with or results from focusing on the needs and behavior of others. It can mimic, be associated with, aggravate and even lead to many of the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual conditions that befall us in daily life. We become co-dependent when we turn our responsibility for our life and happiness over to our ego (false self or shadow self) and to other people. Co-dependents become so pre-occupied with others that they neglect their True Self - who they really are.
When we focus so much outside of ourselves we lose touch with what is inside of us: our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, decisions, choices, experiences, wants, needs, sensations, intuitions, unconscious experiences, and even indicators of our physical functioning, such as heart rate and respiratory rate.
Co-dependence is the most common of all addictions: the addiction to looking elsewhere. We believe that something outside of ourselves, that is, outside of our "True Self - can give us happiness and fulfillment. The "elsewhere" may be people, places, things, behaviors, or experiences. Whatever it is we may neglect our own selves for it. Self neglect alone is no fun, so we must get a payoff of some sort from focusing outward. The payoff is usually a reduction in painful feelings or a temporary increase in joyful feelings. Some examples of this are drinking of alcohol, food, drugs,and shopping sprees. This feeling or mood alteration is predicated principally upon something or someone else, and not on our own authentic desires and requirements.
We learn to be co-dependent from others around us. It is in this sense not only an addiction but a contagious or acquired affliction. From the time we are born, we see co-dependent behavior modeled and taught by a seemingly endless string of important people, parents, teachers, siblings, friends, heroes and heroines. In fact this is reinforced by the media, government, organized religion and the helping professions.
Co-dependence is fundamentally about disordered relationships. Those relationships include our relationship with our self, others and if we chose, our Higher Power. One of our reasons for being is to get to know ourselves in a deeper, richer, and more profound way. We can do that only if we are truly in relationship with ourselves. The first place to start to empower oneself is to have the energy clearings so that these imprints begin to be removed and allow one to open up to change and become one with their True Self and become their full potential self. To learn more go to
